Despairs of a Spirk Fangirl
by Aransa
Summary: Jim stared at the woman standing before him. He didn't know what to make of this situation and clearly; she didn't have an idea either. She didn't know what to do. There was this clearly abused blond kid before her and she couldn't do anything too rash because it could startle him. Or the one were a woman merges with James T. Kirk and despairs at that fact.


Jim stared at the woman standing before him. He didn't know what to make of this situation and clearly; she didn't have an idea either.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I'm meant to be dead." He startled at hearing the woman speak. She spoke English with several strange Accents like she didn't learn from only one source.

He hesitantly spoke up: "Me too." He was not sure if she could see the bruises on his skinny and sickly body, but it shouldn't be that hard with how big they were. He was sick and more than just a little traumatised by the ruthless men that took apart half of the population in Tarsus IV.

He took in the woman's appearance more closely. Before his view had been a little blinded by the sudden light of the white room they were in and could only tell that it was a woman. Now he could clearly see that she was a Latin American; her curvy hips and neutral, but still pretty, facial features gave it away. Her hair was a strangely soft-looking mass of fluffy curls with a healthy shine to it, just like her skin.

She seemed like the type to take care of herself for her own sake and not anybody else, she also had this look in her eyes that practically screamed: _"Don't mess with me, you will not like what will happen if you do."_

He didn't think that she did it consciously, she seemed too nice for that.

"Hey, cutie, what's up?" Suddenly he felt her hand on his thin shoulder and looked up at her startled. The first thing he saw was concerned brown eyes full of something tender.

Then all he knew was agony.

He saw that they were dissolving into strange glowing particles and had just enough time to see the two different particle masses touch one another.

And then he was no more.

* * *

She didn't know what to do. There was this clearly abused blond kid before her and she couldn't do anything too rash because it could startle him.

She was dead, she knew that, and she even said it aloud to make it more realistic, but for some reason, she couldn't trample down the urge to help him. God, it felt like watching all those Horror Movies with her Sister all over again!

They had this strange ritual; they would watch a Horror movie, her finding them funny while watching them and then waking up in the middle of the night with no idea why she woke up. It was just creepy, ok?

She cautiously made her way to the currently distracted blond boy. Her eyes filled with Worry at how thin he was.

How cruel had one to be to do something like that to a child? How heartless and cold must one be to ignore a child's silent cries for love and shelter?!

She was angry, but her concern for his wellbeing was much bigger, it didn't matter that they were apparently already dead. She would do her damn best to nurse him back to health.

"Hey cutie, what's up?" She touched his thin shoulder and watched with worry-filled eyes as he startled at her soft words and touch. The poor little thing.

And then she only felt agony.

She was dissolving into glowing particles! Her eyes strayed briefly to the little blond boy. She wouldn't be able to help him at all; they were both dissolving and- she gasped alarmed. They were merging!

_+Please let this not be the last thing both of us see!+_

•

•

•

For the longest time, their minds were fighting their own passive war. They refused to merge & accept that they had to become one to be _one whole_ again.

In the spirit world they resided in, time was of no essence, it simply didn't matter. But outside, their bodies were slowly merging into one, with the dominant gender being female and the new body remaining as such Female but with the muscle power of a man.

They were not conscious of the war they were waging against one another, their subconscious taking over, leaving them completely oblivious to what was happening to them in the outside world.

They weren't awake to watch the laboratory they were trapped and experimented in be stormed by Star Fleet officers, they weren't awake for when they tried to find the remaining family of the unfortunate experimented on Teenage girl through her blood, weren't there as they found the notes on the experiments made on 'Jim Kirk's' body, weren't there as their Mother was taken to them in the Hospital and had a breakdown at having caused her little boy such pain with her ignorance.

They weren't there as she accepted the fact of having a little girl instead of a Boy.

They were too busy merging mentally and becoming one to notice how a whole year got lost while they were adjusting.

And adjust they did, they were now _she_ and she was still very much like the woman that made-up half of her soul and body, but she now also had the instincts of a thirteen years old boy that had to survive hell for six months straight. Her personality was clearly dominant, but his childish interests would forever remain in the basic '_programming_' of her.

She was the result of a 25-year-old woman merging with a thirteen-year-old boy and surviving the ordeal with only one problem; she was in the Star Trek Universe and her Fangirl feelings were sure to go crazy if she saw one of her most liked Personalities.

Huch~ the problems that come of liking Spirk and knowing that you just ruined it by being a girl.

Well, ruined for all those that like Yaoi, she liked it too, but she would go ahead and steal herself a decent man this time! No more loneliness for this woman, no sir!

And it better be something serious, she wouldn't lose her virginity for anything, no she would marry first and then have some satisfying Coitus with her Husband. A whore one must be to fornicate with anyone and everyone, that was no way of finding a good man.

And there it was again. Seriously, she would never find a man that could stand strong in the face of her cold-hearted way of seeing the world. That man would have to be just as serious and have nearly the same view of the world as her.

Well, what can you do? Hard facts were always the best. She might cry sometimes because of some things, but she was human so sue her because she might be cold, but she was also a woman!

* * *

The day she awakened was the day she realised that Winona Kirk _wasn't_ as bad a mother as all those Fanfiction's she read as a Teenager portrayed her to be.

She stared at the wall and awkwardly hugged the sobbing woman back with her weak arms. The effort left her feeling a bit lightheaded, but it was worth seeing the happiness in her new mother's eyes.

Gods knew she had a weakness for sad moms. She felt awkward but still wanted to help.

"My baby, _my baby_!" Her… mom, took her face between her hands and rained little kisses over her cheeks.

It would take some time to get used to so much touch from another being. She was rather uncomfortable with touch, sometimes even repulsed by the slightest touch of _anything_, even her own hair. She literally felt her soul leave her body in an attempt to escape the awkwardness.

It's weird, but if she doesn't search for touch then it was just plain uncomfortable. She blamed her woman part's former life for that; seriously, who became so secluded that even touch from their own hair became uncomfortable?!

Well, it might have had something to do with a phobia of Fly's, nasty little insects that they were.

* * *

Recovery after that was fairly simple.

There wasn't much she had to do, just eat healthily and do her exercises every day like a good little girl. Her mom was always there now, and they had some great time catching up and planning their future together.

And then there was the fact that she had to get used to her new looks. Jim had been male, and she had been a Latin American, she had lived in Europe so she was used to seeing blond chick's every day, but to be one of them?

She despairs and bemoaned the fact. At least she still had her Latina figure, she would have hated to have any other body figure than hourglass, like before. Her new mother had a pear figure and She wasn't keen on having _that_, she was more than happy with her figure.

Her locks hadn't remained like before, now she had big princess locks that framed her pretty face. Her eyes were blue, not something she accustomed herself too easily since her eyes had been a dark brown before, and her hands were dainty.

Perfect, now she would have even more difficulty doing anything that required her fists.

* * *

Jayden deadpanned in the clerk's face.

Why was it that people in San Francisco made everything more complicated than they had to be?

"Sir, please just do your job." She carefully kept her face schooled and any emotions out of her voice. It wouldn't do to explode her cold temper on the poor sexually frustrated teenage Clerk, he was only hitting on a girl he thought was hot.

That girl also happened to be on the two years younger and very much NOT interested.

"Babe, I could give you a really good time." The male before her was what she liked to call 'Humanities-10th-biggest-mistake', shortly said; a male that was driven by his dick.

She leaned on the counter, bringing her face nearer to the teenagers leering gaze, and opened her plump rosy lips. "I don't have time for your silly hormones, do your job." The freezing cold in her voice and gaze made the teenager freeze in fear. The prey now saw who really had the reigns in this game of wills.

Jayden watched neutrally as the teenager bagged her new PADD hastily. She gave the young man a polite nod and turned to leave the electronics business. Her eyes briefly landed on a handsome Vulcan that she immediately recognised as Spock.

She forced her gaze from the man she knew was perfect for her, making sure not to touch any part of him while passing him.

This man would never be hers.

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Jayden fell face first on her bed, caring very little that her mother saw her sprawling herself so ungraciously in the hotel room bed.

She lifted her head and turned it to face her mother with dramatic sadness in her eyes. "I just saw the most attractive man alive and then just passed him without saying something!" Her mother snorted.

It was just like her daughter to make sarcastically fun of her own feelings. "As if you didn't make it on purpose." Seriously, her daughter had a serious problem with that 'plot' she was always muttering about, and her obsession with all things Boy Love didn't make things better.

Jayden sends her mother an air kiss. This woman was the sole reason why she hadn't left the earth the moment her merging with the original Jim was over. "Woman, I love you to bits." Her mother just snorted again.

Her daughter was a big ball of fluffiness with a bipolar personality.

And Winona loved her for that.


End file.
